A recurring theme that I have been exploring in the past few months of therapy is what I have
coined the “heavy lift”. Heavy lifts are the situations that I find people have a tough time
carrying and following through with in their daily lives. When the lift is too heavy, it can lead to
avoidance, procrastination, or a kind of “stuckness” that may render one immobile.

The heavy lift task or situation is often loaded with emotional burdens and/or physical burdens.
Think of the phrase, “This is a loaded topic.” The weight is just too heavy. Not only may we not
want to carry it, we may be unable to carry it. In a struggle for an answer to why the lift is so
heavy, self-limiting statements may emerge like, I’m just lazy.” Ironically, in an attempt to
come up with an answer, there may be a tendency to adopt a diminishing label as if it is part of
our DNA to not succeed, thereby increasing the load.

Visualize the heavy lift task for a moment as a box. What are the things that are in that box?

TIME: “I don’t have enough time to do this.”
KNOWLEDGE/ABILITY: “I don’t know how “lift” this by myself.”
MAGNITUDE: “It’s just too big.”
LIMITING COGNITIONS: “I should be able to do this by myself. I will be a burden if I ask for help.”
DISORGANIZATION: “I don’t know where to start.”
PERFECTIONISM: “There’s a right way to start. If I can’t do it this way then I’ll wait until I can.”
SELF CARE: “I’m too tired… I don’t have enough energy.”
INTENSE EMOTIONS: “Boredom, Anger, Resentment, Injustice, Confusion, Fear, Loneliness…”
ENVIRONMENT: Too many distractions; too isolating

Nonjudgmentally take out these different items from the box. Lighten the load by addressing
one item at a time for the box or situation. The item I would like to take out for the purposes of
this blog share is, PERFECTIONISM.

I often hear, “I’m not a perfectionist!” Let’s move away from the label. Instead let’s think of
behaviors or thoughts linked to perfectionism. A hallmark for perfectionism, for example, is
rigidity around how things should be done. Perfectionism is not solely about the desire for a
“perfect” outcome but about also a desire for a process that must occur in a certain way to
generate the perfect outcome.

Consider the role of “should statements” in your life. “I should this, I should that.” “Should
statements” can lead to stalling or avoidance or engaging in rituals that don’t work for the
current situation you are in. For example, my should for writing the blog might be, “I should be
able to start writing at a time when there are no interruptions.” If my current reality doesn’t fit
these conditions, I may end up postponing the writing process because those conditions have
not been met.” This may lead to feelings of shame or inadequacy because I haven’t started. If I
stick to this inflexible rule, this may lead to procrastination and then the burden of something
looming over my head.

Instead, I have had to adopt a more flexible idea—the “imperfect start”. I might begin with a
few sentences between therapy sessions. I might start writing ideas in my phone notes section
on the way to the office. These are my approaches to an imperfect start. It’s not the way my
fantasy of writing begins but it is a start that connects more with reality and actually gets me to
the end of the process. That’s my way of approaching. The work is exploring what makes sense
for your unique set of circumstances.

A next level consideration for thinking about our box item, perfectionism, involves thinking
about how the other items in the box influence perfectionism. Go to the other items in the box
and consider how each item plays a part in perfectionism for you. What is the demand around
time as it relates to perfectionism? What are the statements linked to knowledge as they
pertain to perfectionism? The layer within the layer here is that for each item in the box you
can likely identify a factor linked to why perfectionism is a heavy lift by itself. You may notice a
pattern. This pattern can be the beginning of finding ways to lighten the load.